Paw patrol cartoon download torrent

Every morning, at the absolute crack of dawn, I watch Paw Patrol on Netflix. This is because, while my son snaps to full-beam attention the very instant he wakes up, I need a few minutes to compose myself. If he asks to watch Paw Patrol, and it means I’ll have a chance to slowly drag myself to consciousness, then we’ll watch Paw Patrol. If he asked to watch Caligula, I can’t rule out the possibility that I’d let him do that too, but fortunately he hasn’t yet. For now, it’s just Paw Patrol.

I spent so long frantically denying the existence of Paw Patrol to him. I’d seen other kids his age fall under its spell to an obsessive degree, so I made a vow to never talk about it. “Never mind that”, I’d say whenever the subject was broached, “Here’s a CBeebies cartoon about the importance of structured education. That’s just as much fun, right?”

But a line was crossed while my back was turned, and now my kid has bought into Paw Patrol wholesale. If you’ve never seen Paw Patrol, it’s essentially about Ryder, a boy whose parents didn’t tell him no enough, and the megalomaniacal world he’s created for himself. Ryder – who lives in a glass tower high above the civilised world – has coerced a team of five puppies into providing the sole emergency services for his city. These puppies can talk, and they call him Sir. Twenty years from now when a grownup fan makes a knowing Paw Patrol revival movie, Ryder will be depicted as a cackling maniac with an unstoppable God complex, but for now all this is implied.

Here’s what happens in an average episode. The mayor, a woman who routinely ignores her civic duties to chase her pet chicken around, will inadvertently cause an emergency. Let’s say a boat is sinking. Ryder will summon the five puppies to his tower to show them a lengthy PowerPoint presentation on the nature of the emergency – even though, all the while, the boat is still sinking. Then he’ll call upon some of the puppies to help him. This will always include Chase, the bum-licking, sycophantic self-appointed leader of the group; and very rarely include Zuma (the puppy with a boat) because Ryder has got a jet-ski of his own and wants all the credit for himself. The puppies will work together to fix the boat, then they’ll be rewarded with a treat while Ryder presumably keeps the bulk of the financial reward himself. Every episode – with the possible exception of the one where all the puppies turn into mermaids – is exactly the same.

Oh, and Ryder is also working on a robotic dog, which sets up an eventual episode where the Paw Patrol, steamrollered by technology, find themselves saddled with such a profound lack of purpose that they all become grizzled alcoholics.

My kid loves everything that drives me to despair about Paw Patrol. To him Ryder is just a cool dude with some cute puppies, not a dangerous supervillain in the making. To him the puppies are all distinct characters with rigid skillsets, not avatars for the growing legion of workers shafted by the gig economy. To him everyone’s tendency to speak purely in catchphrases is a fun and repetitive language aid, not proof that they’re all sleepwalking through life without ever engaging in the moment. To him the wall-to-wall merchandising of Paw Patrol is an excuse to have lots of nice toys, not a cynical attempt to strip me of all the money I ever earn, money that I used to spend on myself back in the days before I started cutting my own hair in a mirror with nail scissors in a state of perpetual exhaustion.

And the horrible truth of it is that I put up with Paw Patrol, just because it makes him happy. I’m going on a 130-mile round trip with him in a couple of weeks, purely on the off-chance that there’ll be a bloke in a Paw Patrol costume there. In short, the moral of this story is don’t have children.